What I Love About Fresno

For those of you who are not originally from Fresno, you may have had the same experience upon moving here that I had. I was advised to move north of Shaw, anything south of Shaw was dangerous. I wonder now at the people who advised this, what they could possibly know about their hometown.

I took the advice and moved to a little apartment at Maple and Herndon, which I liked. But I hated Fresno. I couldn’t wait to get out. I looked for jobs outside of the city and even outside of the state, traveling for job interviews, and eventually landing a good position in Fresno. That was okay because the company I worked for was large and had locations all over the country. I knew I had a good chance of being able to transfer once my job became open at another site.

Then I met Hank, a Fresno lover. I asked him what he could possible love about Fresno. It was boring, new development everywhere, chain restaurants, nothing to do. “Oh,” he said, “I’m not talking about North Fresno, I’m talking about Fresno, Fresno.”

Now, to be fair to North Fresno, we have had some fun there. I have to admit that I occasionally shop at River Park. I love Michael’s, I’ve had fun at Boomers, Wild Waters is a pretty fun water park, there are some good libraries, Sal’s Mexican restaurant has the best salsa in town, and my own engagement ring is from a shop in North Fresno.

A lot of people live there. And that’s about it.

Hank lived in the Tower. I had heard about “The Tower.” It’s a dangerous place to live, with lots of crime. The weirdos, liberals, and gays live there. But I was curious to see his place, so one evening I went over to see his house. It was surprisingly charming, and I felt completely safe there.

When we got engaged and began looking for a house to share, we started in the Tower. We then asked our real estate agent to find some good matches closer to the CSU Frenso campus, where Hank works. We hated them. We went back for a search in the Tower.

People were concerned. “It’s so dangerous.” “You can’t stay alone when Hank is traveling for work.” “Don’t you want to at least look in Clovis?” I started looking around my neighborhood. I saw lots of McCain signs, and Yes on Prop 8 everywhere. I knew I didn’t belong in North Fresno anymore.

We found a house that we loved, and I recognized it the moment we walked in, as my “dream house” (quite literally, a fireplace I had seen in a dream of an older, brunette me, with children. I am now a brunette, and older, and children are looking imminent). I feel safe here, and I now see campaign signs that match my own political views.

But that’s not why I love Fresno. I love Fresno because there are things to do. Sure, there’s Shakespeare in the Park in North Fresno once a year, but we constantly have plays at the Broken Leg Stage, 2nd Space Theater, Roger Rocka’s, and other venues. We could go to Applebee’s Bar and Grill on Friant, or we could go to The Landmark, Livingstone’s, or Starline. There is a lot of live music, or we could have a quiet dinner at Rousseau. There are shows at the Tower Theater, locally owned interesting shops on Olive, from games, to witchcraft clothing, to antique shops, and more.

We live on a block with a variety of colors and styles of houses. Some are pink, or the lawn is littered with statues, or it’s like a forest in the front yard, but there is nothing identical or similar from one house to another. They all have character and individuality, just like the people who live there. On our block are teachers, graphic designers, other professors, and an architect. There’s a couple of guys, I like to call “the homeboys” around the corner, and I don’t know what their occupation is, but it must be great, because they are always hanging out in their driveway smoking and drinking beer in the middle of the day. I love those guys.

Why do I love Fresno? In addition to the things I just mentioned, how about the Rogue festival, Wednesday night swing dance, Willey Farms, PechaKucha, CSU Fresno, Creative Fresno, Tri-Tip contests, Fulton Mall, comedy night, Fresno Film Night, Battle of the Bartenders, Arthop, the Saroyan theater, Monster’s hockey, and Reel Pride, just to name a few?

And I never would have discovered all of this if I hadn’t traveled south of Shaw.

Fresno's Plan to End Homelessness, Good Plan, Guys

Note: This is an old issue now, but the blog was never posted at the time. However, the homeless are still being targeted for the crime of being homeless. We are electing new councilmembers, and Ms. Sterling is termed out. Good luck in her candidacy for Fresno County Supervisor.

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. (Anatole France. The Red Lily)

But in the city of Fresno, anyone can beg in the street-so long as they can afford a permit.

The Fresno City Council voted a disappointing 6-1 on an ordinance that prohibits solicitations on a street median. (Thank you Cynthia Sterling, for your brave vote)

While many Frenans think of this as just an excuse to stop homeless people from begging, City Councilmember, Larry Westerlund supports his proposed ordinance. Said Westerlund, if “somebody wanted to, up to one time every six months, they would be able to come in and there would be a form they would fill out, a one page form. It would be like here is my name, here is the median I would occupy on this date, whatever that date would be.” Sounds simple, right? Also, the applicant would pay a filing fee, provide proof of insurance, and wear a brightly colored vest.

Here is my problem: Clearly this initiative is aimed at the homeless, who are unlikely to be able to provide the required insurance and filing fee, and even less likely to try for the chance to stand on a median from sunrise to sunset once every six months.

Why not just have the courage to admit it, instead of supporting, defending, and making weak arguments such as Westerlund’s comment, “There’s only one intention here, and that is to deal with people’s safety. There’s no discrimination here.”

But don’t worry-The Fresno Bee’s Kid’s Day and the Fresno Firemen are safe. They will be issued permits to solicit on medians.

Some opponents of the ordinance have pointed out that if it’s unsafe for the homeless, it’s unsafe for all.

Let’s try to solve the homeless problem. An initiative of “Housing First” for the homeless was dismissed in Downtown Fresno in favor of more profitable residences. Housing First has proved to be successful where it has been implemented (www.endhomelessness.org).

In reference to Blong Xiong, a TowerExchange Listserv member wrote, “How does anybody feel the Tower District is represented by our current city councilman? Personally I feel he has North Fresno best interest at heart.”

I’m disappointed in Perea, and Xiong. I call Westerlund a coward, and I applaud Sterling for her one lone opposing vote.

District 1-Blong Xiong

District 2-Andreas Borgeas

District 3-Cynthia Sterling

District 4-Larry Westerlund

District 5-Mike Dages

District 6-Lee Brand

District 7-Henry T. Perea

True Love vs. Settlement Love - by Lisa

What is love?

Love by my definition is not blind; it is blatantly obvious. It smacks you in the face the instant your eyes fixate on the hunk of meat across the room. Love is not learned. Love does not grow with time: it is already there.

Is there true love? Or, is love a figment of the imagination? Something that people create to convince themselves that the person they have settled for is “the one?” Is it settling to “love?”

I believe love exists in certain cases, but in other instances, I believe that love is a replacement for loneliness and fear that sets in as people age, a variable of our societal pressures. For this reason, I will separate true love and settlement love from one another.

True love is not a pro’s and con’s checklist, for if it is, you are practicing settlement love! For all of those who have known love, true love, it is simply right and there are absolutely no causal nor correlational factors to justify this elation. You cannot describe the feelings you have for that other person. Occam’s razor: It just feels right.

In comparison, both parties practicing settlement love will contemplate how much fun they have together, how good they are for one another, and just how great of a person the other one is. But I’m sorry, are you interviewing with a company for a finance position that offers a lifetime contract and full benefits? No! This is not an if/then scenario. Love does not require logical deductions, comprehension, nor comparisons between finances and assets: it simply is.

Love is instant. It does not take three years of dating and getting to know the individual to assess if there is the right "love potential" there to last a lifetime. This is an example of settlement love. People that merely stay together who have been in a relationship for long periods of time (which I define as a duration consistently longer than two and a half years without an engagement proposition) and do not get married within the first three years of dating are suffering from cognitive dissonance. This term, cognitive dissonance, equates to the checklist, the settlement, “the one,” because the parties have invested so much time in one another that the rationale must be that they were meant to be and therefore, I should marry this individual. Want converts to a should or an obsolete scenario leaving both parties feeling obligated.

What do I know about love? I was in love once, or at least I believed I was. I thought about someone on a daily basis before we started dating, had a physical attraction the moment I first laid eyes on him, and still think about him from time to time, deep down knowing it wasn’t right and yet, part of me still wanted it to be right. Why? I do not exactly know why but what I do know is that this was not love and if I had stayed with him, I would have been settling.

Whether or not you believe in true love, do not practice settlement love. Believe that there is someone better for you out there, waiting, hoping that you will find them amongst the masses.

...But what if there’s not? What if this is the best person you could ever possibly meet? What if?

The Sexual Revolution: A Triumph for the Men

I am not really a feminist. I hate women’s sports, I prefer that my husband take out the trash and mow the lawn, and I think a woman's talents are best used in the home. These are just opinions, and I don’t judge people who feel differently about these things.

But let’s face it; in the wake of the sexual revolution, men got the long end of the stick. Women now allow their significant others many outrageous wild cards: another partner for one night (Curb Your Enthusiasm) on their anniversary, a threesome on his birthday (last month in Redbook) Men are privy to watch girls take off their tops in front of the masses (Spring Break) - speaking of which, porn is something a man has a right to do, get used to it (Adam Carrolla, every podcast). Oral sex is no longer taboo. Oral sex goes both ways, true, but how many of you women are getting it as much as your partner?

Some of these things may be extreme, but who hasn’t been accused of being unreasonable for withholding sex in a relationship, abhorring porn, or wanting your partner to abstain from masturbation when you are ready and willing to have sex with him or her? Are these things really unreasonable?

How many years ago would something like having a threesome with your partner be considered off the table under no uncertain circumstances? Now it’s common for a couple to discuss it to “spice up” their sex life.

Forget about the revolution. Let’s talk about sexual liberation. What is liberation? I think of Samantha Jones (Sex and the City). She has (we'll assumed protected) sex with near strangers with no apologies, and she sets the terms. Still, there are fierce double standards (see every other entry in www.textsfromlastnight.com ), and we all do it. When your partner says, “Which one is Samantha?” don’t you say, “Oh, she’s the whore?”

No bras, having unprotected sex with multiple partners, and drugs. Is that liberation?

Sex is great, but let’s take control of it. As a friend told his goddaughter, “Don’t think of it as losing your virginity. Think of it as gaining sex.” A valid viewpoint, but that should be her decision.

The point I want to get across is this: ignore the sexual revolution and seize your sexual liberation. Never let a man (or woman) let you think that you are a prude or out of bounds. It’s okay to say no, it’s okay to say yes. It’s okay to try something new, and it’s okay to only try it once. Sexual liberation has no “do’s and do not’s.”

Girls, liberation is not about being coerced into doing something you don’t want to do because “it’s the nineties.” First of all, it’s not the nineties. Second of all, liberation is about gaining equal rights. I have the right to say no. I have the right to not take my shirt off. I have the right to not wear a bra. I have the right to save myself for marriage. I have the right to destroy a rented pornographic film. I have the right to deny my husband a threesome and demand that the never let the idea cross his lips again. I have the right to be with another woman (but, in California, I do not have the right to marry her). I have the right to abandon a strict moral upbringing, or embrace it.

Liberation is about rights. Men do not have any rights where your body is concerned. He can, and will disagree with you about some things. That’s why finding the right partner is so important. Trust me, if you’re not on the same page sexually, you have a long road ahead of you, that can lead you to feeling unreasonable and question your own limits. Never question your own limits sexually. You have a right to feel whatever you’re feeling, and a choice to act on it or not.

Disclaimer: My current partner has never coerced me into doing something I didn’t want to do, and he was appalled when I brought up the subject of a threesome. He does not use pornography. Please do not assume any other statement I made refers to him, myself, or anyone I actually know, with the exception of “Think of it as gaining sex.”

Christmas Eve

When I was still young enough to have no doubts that Santa was real, on Christmas Eve I was awoken by Mom. I was confused because those were the days when all of us kids would congregate in one of our bedrooms and watch the clock until it turned 6:00 and we could wake Mom and Dad up. We didn't know that 6:00 came after 5:59, just that when it said 6:00 that was the time that we could start opening presents. It was long hours waiting and wondering if the next minute would show 6:00.

Santa was a big part of our lives, bringing gifts to Baby Jesus in the Nativity scene, coming to Grandpa's a little early before he started his trek across the rest of the world, and posing for pictures in the parking lot at the mall, just for Sam.

So when Mom woke me up, I wasn't sure what was happening. She left me a letter to read with the terrible news: There was no Santa. The letter actually said he was real, in spirit, but I knew that didn't mean anything. I was shocked. After I read the letter twice, I ventured out of my room. Mom and Dad showed me what they had been doing every Christmas Eve since I was a baby. They were filling stockings up with candy and other goodies, and bringing out the big toys, the ones from "Santa." I helped in bewilderment until it was time for them to roll out my present. They told me to go back to bed and get some sleep. That was the first Christmas I remember not gathering the kids together to watch the clock. I couldn't bear to watch them wondering if Santa had come, or what he would bring them. Believing.

But when the next morning came, JD and Karen were so excited, seeing that Santa had eaten some of the cookies and milk we had left, and Rudolf had nibbled on the carrot. There was the same note that we would see each morning for the rest of our lives. A smiley face with a Santa hat that looked so much like Mom's signature smiley face. The other kids were so happy with the magic of Santa coming down our chimney and bringing them gifts and filling their stockings before he moved on to the next house. I had been part of it, and I was excited, too.

That was the year Christmas became about giving gifts to each other, and not about getting, and now my favorite part of Christmas is finding the perfect gift that immediately reminds me of the person I got it for, wrapping it, and watching them open it.

Now all the kids know about Santa, but he still brings us gifts that we aren't allowed to see until Mom and Dad are awake. The last few Christmases I spent at home, Mom and Dad were waking me, pulling me out of bed to see what Santa had brought. When I texted my mom to let her know that I couldn't have any candy in my stocking this year, she texted me, "Better tell Santa." I knew she would.

I'm 29 this year, heading into my thirties, but part of me still wonders how he always knows what to bring me that will bring me a little happiness and magic. I guess I still believe a little, and I'm always sure to put out my fire on Christmas Eve before I go to bed. Just in case.

You circumnavigate, girl!

Watson on her awesome pink yaht, aptly named "The Pink Lady."
Source: thepunch.com


Jessica Watson left from her home country of Australia today on a quest - to become the youngest person to sail solo and unassisted around the globe. She seems to be the first female teen to attempt the feat, and whether completed with assistance or not, would beat Zac Sunderland at being the youngest person to make the trip. Sunderland and Briton Mike Perham, both 17, completed the trip this summer during seperate months "assisted," meaning they had to get outside help fixing their boats during their attempts.

"The first leg of Watson's journey will take her past northern New Zealand, then Fiji and Samoa. In a trip expected to last about eight months, she plans to pass around the southern tips of Africa and South America," according to the Associated Press.

Let the criticisms fly.

Andrew Cape, navigator of PUMA Ocean Racing, second place winner of the 2008-09 Volvo Ocean Race, stated in a letter he wrote to Watson, "I do not want to shatter your dreams but to undertake such a voyage requires more experience than you currently have. Obviously you have to start somewhere to gain experience but to head straight into the Southern Ocean on your own is foolish."

Cape also said that he thinks Watson has a 33 percent chance of having a successful voyage, 33 percent chance of damage to her boat or crew, and 33 percent chance of losing her boat or crew.

Karen Brooks of The Punch writes that Jessica's attempt is merely a grab at the 15 minutes of fame; a foolish decision that doesn't need to be made in order for her to enter adulthood.

"If she breaks the record, will we then approve 15, 14 and 13 year olds making the journey for the same reasons? To fulfill their dreams? To make history?" Brooks says.

In fact, 13 year-old Laura Dekker's dreams of attempting the same trip have been suspended, thanks to a Dutch court. On the topic, NPR's Frank James writes, "We can predict there'd be a 12-year old next and after that maybe a 10-year old. There could even be a seven year old eventually, like Jessica Dubroff, the girl who wanted to be the youngest to fly across the country and wound up dying in a plane crash with her father and flight instructor.

Megan's two cents:

As long as there's no pageant-mom reason for Jessica's attempt, I say live it up, girl. Live your dreams.

Despite all the controversy,

Jessica, the Awesome Amigas salute you!!

Resource:

A tour of the Pink Lady with Jess

Mancession and fatties on the runway

Mancession - as annoying as a Staycation

To go along with Andrea's post on The Superior Wife Syndrome, the current recession crisis has created a new word combination, or wombo - "mancession."

In an article by Kim Peterson on MSN's MoneyBlog, she describes how more men have lost their jobs in this recession than women. This is due to most of the layoffs being in the manufacturing and construction fields, while women work in more secure fields, such as healthcare and education. However, women may get the short end of the stick, in that they make less money, are more likely to work less hours or are working part-time positions without benefits.

Case in point, me. I work two part-time retail jobs without benefits. I also relocated to southern California and am living with Lisa for free in order to make more money. The Central Valley is not the place to be if you are looking for a full-time job in fields outside of healthcare, education or tomato truck driver.


Fatties on the runway at London Fashion Week

According to an article in UK's The Telegraph, "Mark Fast’s decision to use larger models at London Fashion Week provoked a row between his management team and caused one stylist to walk out" on September 21st.

Photo by Jane Mingay, The Telegraph

Here's what happened:

Designer Mark Fast decided to use three plus-size models - a size 12, size 14, and size 12/14, whatever that means - on the runway to challenge the idea that only skinny women could wear his dresses.

This decision led to a "team change" (p.c. way to say they fired a team member/had someone quit) in order to make the dream happen.

"We wanted women to know they don’t have to be a size zero to wear a Mark Fast dress," Amanda May, Fast's managing director, said. "Curvier women can look even better in one.”

Fast found one of his models, Hayley Morley, at All Walks Beyond the Catwalk, a runway show which features models ages 18 to 65, from sizes 8 to 16.

Megan's Two Cents:

Kudos to Fast! But sadly, my first thought after seeing the photo of the model in grey was, "She's fat!" And I'm a fat girl saying this. Isn't that awful? I think it's because the dress shows off the worst parts of a plus-size woman - our underarm jobbies, or "wiggly bits," as a British lady would say.

Now, my second thought - when will the runway world show a size 20 (which I am)? Or, heaven forbid, 22?

This is the closest we've got so far:

(warning: partially-nude women at this link)

Lane Bryant Models Start a Body Image Revolution

These Bodies are Beautiful at Every Size - Glamour Magazine